Regret

I once told you
I’ll never regret
falling in love
with you.

The idea of you
being in my life
sends butterflies
in my tummy.

And I realized
in my head, I created
the most perfect
of you.

But you broke
my heart in
pieces, small
shattered pieces.

And it turns out
falling for you
was my greatest
regret of all.

i.j.m

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Fear

Fear

Isn’t it crazy what fear does to you,
mentally, physically and emotionally
Isn’t it crazy how it makes you feel,
like you’re trapped in this ball
that goes round and round
like it’s never going to end
No matter how much you want it to stop
it seems like every step you take
it just keeps moving, constantly
every hour, every minute of the day
taking you to places that never
ever feels like home.

Screaming in your head
so loud and clear
wailing for every fear to end
But the fear, it screams back at you
louder and louder and louder
chasing you until you fall over
and it feels like you’re stuck on the ground
too scared to even stand back up at all,
feeling completely helpless
when all you ever wanted was to be fearless.

We all wish it’ll just vanish
vanish into thin air, vanish in the darkness
and we wonder what that looks like
living a fearless life, of not having fear
constantly ruining our lives,
of not constantly running away from
all the good what could have beens.

a speck of dust

To you I was a speck of dust

            When I pass, I’m barely felt

            Barely seen, barely noticed

            Almost like I don’t exist

To you I was a speck of dust

            Like a dust, I cling to you but

            Like a dust, just swept through

            Almost like I didn’t matter

Too small to be seen, 

Too small to be felt, but

I am more than a speck of dust

I am to be seen, I am to be felt

I am to be loved.

Just a Friend

There’s pain when I hear your name

A sudden achy feeling

The same feeling when I see your face

in photographs, it kills me

 

There’s pain in every love song

Every single one reminds me of you

The lyrics they speak for me

Weeping in a perfect melody

 

There’s pain with every thought of you

although it’s pain with glee

The memories and smiles we’ve shared,

the only things I can hold close to me

 

There’s pain when I see you face to face

Pain I can’t show, pain I try to hide

If this is the closest thing to lovers we can be

I’ll bear the pain of being….

 

only just a friend.

Okay

Could it be that I was okay with playing around with maybe,

a possibility 
than
Facing a rejection from someone

whom I thought was the one

and only 
I know I said I’d be okay, but 

I don’t know how, I don’t know when
Though I’ve let go so openly,

I can’t fool what my heart is telling me

Do I just let it be?
Would it fade away with time?

Will time ever fix me?

Coffee Joint

I remember it perfectly, the way you rest your elbows on the table, the way you held your drink. I remember it perfectly, the booth where we sat, that little corner where you had rest your back. I remember it perfectly, the things you said, the way you smiled at me. I remember it perfectly, by looking at you, I knew how much you meant to me. I remembered it perfectly how the look on your face implied you had no clue, you make me fall in everything you do.