I once told you
I’ll never regret
falling in love
The idea of you
being in my life
in my tummy.
And I realized
in my head, I created
the most perfect
But you broke
my heart in
And it turns out
falling for you
was my greatest
regret of all.
Isn’t it crazy what fear does to you,
mentally, physically and emotionally
Isn’t it crazy how it makes you feel,
like you’re trapped in this ball
that goes round and round
like it’s never going to end
No matter how much you want it to stop
it seems like every step you take
it just keeps moving, constantly
every hour, every minute of the day
taking you to places that never
ever feels like home.
Screaming in your head
so loud and clear
wailing for every fear to end
But the fear, it screams back at you
louder and louder and louder
chasing you until you fall over
and it feels like you’re stuck on the ground
too scared to even stand back up at all,
feeling completely helpless
when all you ever wanted was to be fearless.
We all wish it’ll just vanish
vanish into thin air, vanish in the darkness
and we wonder what that looks like
living a fearless life, of not having fear
constantly ruining our lives,
of not constantly running away from
all the good what could have beens.
To you I was a speck of dust
When I pass, I’m barely felt
Barely seen, barely noticed
Almost like I don’t exist
To you I was a speck of dust
Like a dust, I cling to you but
Like a dust, just swept through
Almost like I didn’t matter
Too small to be seen,
Too small to be felt, but
I am more than a speck of dust
I am to be seen, I am to be felt
I am to be loved.
There’s pain when I hear your name
A sudden achy feeling
The same feeling when I see your face
in photographs, it kills me
There’s pain in every love song
Every single one reminds me of you
The lyrics they speak for me
Weeping in a perfect melody
There’s pain with every thought of you
although it’s pain with glee
The memories and smiles we’ve shared,
the only things I can hold close to me
There’s pain when I see you face to face
Pain I can’t show, pain I try to hide
If this is the closest thing to lovers we can be
I’ll bear the pain of being….
only just a friend.
Could it be that I was okay with playing around with maybe,
Facing a rejection from someone
whom I thought was the one
I know I said I’d be okay, but
I don’t know how, I don’t know when
Though I’ve let go so openly,
I can’t fool what my heart is telling me
Do I just let it be?
Would it fade away with time?
Will time ever fix me?
I remember it perfectly, the way you rest your elbows on the table, the way you held your drink. I remember it perfectly, the booth where we sat, that little corner where you had rest your back. I remember it perfectly, the things you said, the way you smiled at me. I remember it perfectly, by looking at you, I knew how much you meant to me. I remembered it perfectly how the look on your face implied you had no clue, you make me fall in everything you do.